As I type, Jayden is sleeping. We are in a room with 5 other children. 5 other families with there own stories. The sign on our door says "constant care". Sounds of beeping and little cries fill the room every few minutes. It is so much easier when you are at your computer, to log off and go back to your life. So easy to ignore. Turn on the tv, and hope that your child will play somewhere cause your show is on. So easy to sleep sound with your breathing child in the next room, your family resting, your spouse next to you. You don't even think twice about running water, sleeping in a bed, eating good food, or taking your next breath. It is not until you feel the depth of staring death and suffering in the face that you get it. You get that life is lived every day and is not a given.
Beep...Beep...Beeep....
Don't wait until someone you love is sick to become aware. Don't run from the fire. Don't live your life expecting the white picket fence. Like somehow you deserve it and don't deserve pain.
God is so colorful. Don't ignore the richness of meeting people, and sitting for awhile in pain with someone. They are much closer to God than you. Want to worry less? Be aware of pain and sign up to sit in it. Sounds opposite, but when you see the precious life of a child in pain, the choice of wallpaper doesn't matter. Your argument with a co-worker fades. Who did or didn't do something right doesn't matter. Those 5 pounds you stress about because you want your jeans to show a different number seems silly. (Take a marker and just write the number you want). You begin to stop wanting the next car, house, computer, the next child. You start to realize what you ALREADY have is a gift. And anything more is undeserved.
There are some very strong families and children here. You would only be blessed to learn from them. I was so scared to enter into the world of special needs before Jayden and Brooklyn. I wanted not to look. It is hard seeing baby cribs not in a nursery, but a hospital room. If I don't look, it won't happen to me. Boy-I wish I would have learned earlier. I wish I would have appreciated their strength and what depth the families have. Sometimes, I think people who don't have suffering are the disabled ones. Silly of us to think we are better off. These families and children are closer to God than we ever are. They say, God, I trust you, even in the valley. We walk around with our heads in our butts thinking we have dodged a bullet, but we miss the shades of God that I think are most important.
Pay attention. Wake up.
Beep...Beep...
that one was Jayden's.
