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Who cares?

We all have a desire to be liked. To be in the “in” crowd. To be successful. 

I think sometimes that desire is projected onto our children, and maybe for typically developing children’s parents, that pressure that they put on their children to be successful is so the child AND the parent looks good. For example, if our student is getting straight A’s, we also must be smart or disciplined, or if they are good at athletics, we too, are the mom or dad that everyone says hello to at the games.  Maybe it is our child that makes the newspaper, and yes, we are proud of our child, be we don’t mind sharing some of the light....I mean, we did teach them everything they know, right?!

In the world of special-needs, it isn’t much different. We too, are grasping for our children to be scene, known, loved, thrive, and in the spotlight. But we have also found a way to stand in the light. The problem is, no one would dare tell us we are prideful.  I know I can only speak for myself, but I was growing sense of pride regarding build with the Boyces.  I like sharing the spotlight. I like feeling “proud” of my children and like the attention. I like people asking how I am, I like sharing about our children, I like what God does through me.  I like people praying for us, commenting on my blog posts and telling me what a blessing our story has been. Satan is a twister, and can even take good, pure, things and make them yucky. 

I desire so much for Jayden in Brooklyn and their story, their life, to be significant. And I am realizing, me too. I want to matter. I want people to like me.  Even at 32.

So much so, I am willing to sacrifice hours and hours that I could be spending with them and their short little lives to create something that will bring acknowledgment, appreciation, and value to who they are. But deep down, I know that part of that is I want to be known.  I hate that part of me...and I want it to change.  I am realizing that I matter to God and that has to be enough. My children matter to God, and that has to be enough. He may choose to put our story on a huge platform or no platform at all, but I have to get my pride in check, regardless.

If I am completely honest,  I also feel a growing sense of self-inflicted pressure from the “keeping up with the special-needs-Joneses” to start a foundation or help others. 

Maybe is kinda like not putting your child in year-round club volleyball cause you want to spend time with them this summer, and know that sports are not everything....I mean everyone else is and that is what you have to do if you want your child to play, right? 

That is what you do to give your children’s life meaning in my world. Start a foundation.  If you don’t, they are just another face in the sea of other special needs faces.... and I am a bad mom.  I am selfish. I almost feel if I don't do something to help them leave a legacy on a grand scale, Iike start a foundation, that I am devaluing their life in someway.  I feel like it's just not enough to be a normal mom, like it doesn't give me significance or purpose. 

It's so funny, I notice how much I care about what people think even now my 30s and I thought I would totally be over this.  So much so, it affects how I parent, the things I like, and the way I dress.

My really been struggling with my shirt lately. I like the worn, vintage t but all the ladies versions have deep V’s in the front. I can never find just a crew neck.  It bothers me because I don’t want people to see my boobs. So when I'm home I've been wearing my shirt backwards.  That way, when I'm constantly bent over dealing with my kids my chest isn't sticking out.  

It's funny, I don't even know where it’s appropriate to shop in your 30s. I'm not quite ready for the grown-up section of cardigans and matching shells, but too old for 90% of the junior section.  

So back to the shirt incident. When I was over at a 3 year old birthday party, I was stupid and wore a V-neck shirt. I had a tank top under it, (I mean, I'm not a complete hussy) but every time I would bend over I felt like I was showing too much. I felt so silly and I was having this internal battle within myself should I do it?  Should I turn my shirt around?  What are people going to think of me? Are they even going to notice my shirt is backwards? Do I have enough confidence to do this? Why did I even where the stupid shirt!?  

In the middle of my interrogation of myself, I kept thinking about the concept of pride. Caring about people accepting me.  It bothers me when people are not accepting of my children because they still wear diapers, don’t talk, or chew. In fact, I even get insecure as I think about people watching me love on my kids. Will they think I am a weirdo saying, “ba, ba, ba, doe, doe, doe” as I get my 7 year old to smile?  Why does it matter? In my heart I am saying, who cares, but in my head I still think it.

I finally did go in the bathroom and wear my shirt backwards. And the funny thing is, nobody noticed. Nobody cared. And here I was so concerned with what people thought of me that they would say something. I want people to notice, but I want them to notice me and LIKE me. Some people even crave bad attention cause that feeds their pride as well. Bad press is better than no press, right?

But I only want people to notice the good I don't want people to notice the bad. I don't want you to see my flaws or my pride.  Especially when I still feel insecure it's really hard to be honest. 

What does it mean to really be authentic? Because being authentic comes with a whole host of rejection. People may not want to be around you or like you. Maybe I am alone in this, but, sometimes I wish I could be confident like other people or I wish I didn't care. In high school, I used to say I didn't care, but I did.  It’s much better but still, at 32, I can honestly say there are things that I don't do simply because of the way people might perceive me. One of the things that I joke about with my friend Angie, is that if I lived another life with no husband and no kids, I would wear sequin dresses with combat boots and smoke cigarettes at a cafĂ© in Europe. You know, live a life that is so drastically different from the one that you all ready do. Or be a farmer. Live off the land and sell my veggies at a farmers market out of my 1940 rusty ford truck.  And maybe chew tobacco. Ok, maybe not the tobacco part.  

Which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, quotation marks the grass is not greener on the other side the grass is greener where you water it. " I bet that cigarette smoking combat boots sequin dress girl would be wishing for a life with a husband and kids. And I would still be insecure because I was single and wearing funny clothes.

So in the spirit of trying to overcome my insecurity, or I have been intentionally challenging myself to do things outside of the box, like turn my shirt around at a birthday party, or sit in a chair on the side of the road while we watch a train pass and then run back into the car, or post my Lady Gaga costume as my facebook profile pic. 

That is the great thing about working with teenagers. You have to lead by example. How can I challenge students to try to live out their faith in real ways and trust if I can’t? We all need to find their strength, worth, security, and confidence from the very God who created us. 

Funny, even as I'm writing this I'm thinking about going in taking the cigarette part out because I'm thinking my mom and my dad are reading this. Or what in the world people think of me... I work at a church! But that's part of it I think. Being vulnerable. Not hiding the pieces of you that you may cause people to judge you or think differently of you. And no, I don't smoke, I don't wear combat boots,  and I don't have a sequined dress, or vintage truck for that matter.  But I'll be honest in saying that there are some days that I wish I did. And I'm ok with that. 



Start. Gotta start somewhere, even if it’s in the middle. I keep waiting for the first of the month, the new year, a monday (or Sunday for some of you) or a birthday, to start.  Time is funny in that way. As if January 1 is any different than Dec 29. Time has a way of marking progress, or lack of it. I mean, what’s wrong with starting on a Thursday, June 20?

So, that is what I am doing. Starting. Maybe re-starting. I am going to try to chronicle my life from this point forward with regular blogs.  I have to lay the idea that I will catch up, on hold.  Let’s be honest. I may never “catch up”.  Life moves too fast.  Anyone else agree, the older you get, the faster time flies?  Speaking of which, when was the last time you said, “I’m bored”?  That funny phrase I said in high school and college is now reinvented in my house to, “what’s next.” 

Some stuff I write is stupid, irrelevant, and uninspired. I think if I get too hung up on being brilliant, God can’t be brilliant. He prefers to work in spite of my inability to be brilliant and takes the messy, unedited stuff and give my words a voice in a person’s soul-not me. I love that about Him.  Kinda takes the pressure off, you know? I love that its not about me and my ability, how hard I work, or even how hard I pray.  If God wants to use me, I just need to start.

I have a shirt that says, “this isn’t about me” from the youth group I am honored to work with.  It’s royal blue. I love wearing it because it reminds me this life isn’t about me, but in the same breath, God is obsessed with me. It’s a crazy thought!  It’s not that I am irrelevant, but it is in Christ, I am SO relevant!

At Deeper last week, we were in Gen. 3, talking about sin.  Rebellion. Whenever we make this life about us and not Him. We were created to give God glory. To shine so bright, people see us, and we show them Him instead. Bottom line.  It is only when we try to BE God instead of being LIKE God we sin.  We shine, but point people to us. We were created in His image, and so often, we try to be creator instead of being created.  

I have a prayer above my sink that speaks to this that I found: 
Almighty and Eternal God-
so draw my heart to you, 
so guide my mind, 
so fill my imagination, 
so control my will 
that I may be wholly yours , 
utterly dedicated to you; 
and then use me, 
I pray you, as you will, 
and always to your glory and the welfare of your people 
though my Lord and savior Jesus Christ-AMEN

So, I’m typing outside and a fly just died in my fresh cup of coffee. Guess he couldn’t swim. I took a stale dorito from the ground (left there from my kids yesterday) and scooped the little guy was a full Kerig cup, still tastes fine.

Focus, Stef.

So back to my point. I did it. I started. Blog number 1. No catching up. In the middle of the year, middle of the month, and middle of the week.  

Ew, now Hemi is eating the Dorito.


Updated site!

Quick notification for all of my e-mail followers, I have updated the site so there are a ton of resources, books, blogs, websites, best practices, churches and special needs ministry links available....share away!


All you need to know about Special Needs and the Church: my post-it note manifesto

I am a dreamer. And I am sick of dreaming in silence. Here it is. My thoughts written for the world to see. I believe God could lay this in the hands of someone who can make this happen. I also believe that this could go no where. Anyway, it is with faith in whatever God wants  I write.

Start Here:
Since September, I have been praying, researching, attending conferences, chatting with people, and really thinking about our time here on earth.  I want to live a life of purpose. Why was I given my children? Why am I here?

My mind is full of post it notes, thoughts, best practices, and gaps that currently exist in the world of special needs-and where, if at all, we fit.  Here’s the bottom line: I don’t know what to do regarding the future of Build with the Boyces.  I am really struggling and thought I would put it out there for the world to respond. All I ask, if you do take the time to read it, is that you let me know if you plan on copying and using any of what I wrote. I also highly encourage you to visit the references below.

Build with the Boyces was formed in 2009 as a direct response to our children’s diagnosis by our friends and family.  It currently has an outdated website and isn’t a non-profit because we were the only ones benefiting-not a group of people-per tax regulations. Its primary function was to build a safe, handicapped home for our children and raise awareness for Sanfilippo in the process. September 2012 we moved in. Done.

The dust has settled, and 2013, I began investigating what we could contribute to the world.  In the 3 years of Build with the Boyces, God used our story in amazing ways to touch others and nourish our souls. It gave special meaning to the lives of Jayden and Brooklyn. God used our brokenness to give Him glory. It felt good. It gave the pain meaning.  It was hard being the beneficiary of so many people’s generosity.  I am really glad, in a way, that part is over. It is hard never being able to pay people back. But I learned gratitude, humility, and grace, along with many other lessons from that season.

I first thought of completely merging with Kelly Hubert, and the Liv Life foundation back in Jan 2013. Kelly and I thought of a mission “to capture and inspire the Liv Life moments in us all”  a one the purpose of LivLife (named after her daughter Livia who also has Sanfilippo). Everyone loves an underdog story that rises from the brokenness. We would capture people’s inspirational stories and post them in a blog for the world to read.  People all over the world would submit stories, walking for breast cancer, loosing 50 lbs., anything that they recognize as a moment they are fully alive.

My honest hesitation with completely merging with LivLife is friendship with Kelly. I never want creative differences, personal opinions, or fundraising/financials to come in between our friendship. She isn’t like that-and I never wanted to come in and be pushy. Selfishly, it is also hard thinking about trading our purple shirts for her pink ones.  So we have put our merging on hold but continue to support whatever one another chooses to do.

BWTB: a non-profit?
So, I thought maybe we turn Build with the Boyces {BWTB} into a non-profit.  It’s a lot of work and money, but worth it for creative control.

But-I don’t ever want to simply add a logo to our story to gain personal recognition.  I don’t want BWTB to be just another organization in the sea of other non-profits. I want it to serve a purpose that doesn’t already exist.  I would rather partner with others that are doing it well.  Which lead me to this question:

If  BWTB exists, what isn’t already out there? 

At first, we wanted to support churches as they provide ministry to families-we thought an organization like this didn’t exist. But I soon found out-there are plenty of people that do this-if you can find them. 

We also don’t know the first thing about being an organization that informs churches about speical needs ministry because we have never done it. So, I started researching best practices. Through my research, I found that there are many resources that support churches in this very thing (Joni and Friends, Elim, Orange, networking with other churches who are already doing it, books, etc). At the same time, our children’s director at Immanuel acknowledged that Immanuel needed a SN ministry at our church.  That made me think, maybe we don’t need to do anything with BWTB, and we just help Immanuel-but I continue to wonder if God is maybe wanting to do more with us. 

Here in lies the struggle. 

Is that a selfish thought because we want our kids to matter in this world, and a non-profit with a logo will do the trick?  Or, could it be God prompting us to do something that not only gives our children purpose, but changes the world? If God wants to use us to do something more than just raising our children, we are available, but we don’t know what he wants from us.  We are continuing to support Immanuel’s efforts but I do not feel called specifically to leading the SN ministry at Immanuel.  

What to do?
Still with no direction-but a pull to continue BWTB, I am now wrestling with what to do. Part of me feels that we should do nothing.  Enjoy the short time we have with our children. Focus just on them. But-that also seems selfish and dims the light on the potential they offer the world. I still believe that God will work best in the center of the storm...not when it’s over. In a way, this seems easiest in regard to time, but I want Jayden and Brooklyn’s life to touch others-I want to share their beauty with the world while we are still in their midst. It’s like having a rare diamond, and leaving it in a hidden safe if we keep them all to ourselves.

Here’s what we know:
The average consumer wants easy, fast, and the best when it comes to anything, and information regarding special needs is no exception. When it comes to the world of disability, special needs, and the church, there are very few resources available.  And, for the average lay person in church, they will never access any books or training material on special needs. For example, none of my friends read a book on how to reach out to us. To understand Sanfilippo, I had to be the expert. I had to find the correct information and educate them.  Far and wide, the average person is uneducated when it comes to special needs.

Our current culture is beginning to demand church’s become more inclusive. As with most church movements, churches are responding to the demands of the culture instead of being the trend-setters.  Churches are notoriously late to the party.  Almost always, people are reactive instead of proactive when it comes to inclusion and ministry. The world of special needs is excluded in many conversations about outreach, evangelism, and program based ministry.  There is little to no effort from the church to seek out, and include people and families of special needs within the walls of the church. The average church is not prepared and doesn’t see this as even an area of need (“we don’t have anyone with special needs so we don’t need anything”).

Our current culture becoming increasingly aware of people with special needs existing in their communities but find it easier to not engage because they don’t feel equipped.  For example, it is easier to say, “I don’t have a degree in special education”, or, “that is not my spiritual gift”...but ignore the biblical mandate to love  people with disabilities are to the body of Christ. They ARE part of the whole and there are HUGE blessings revealed if you choose to enter in. 

the need:
There are no video driven training/interviews/documentaries that are well done, interesting, or compelling to watch on you tube.  There is not one person that I have spoken to so far, working in the field that knows of even the few organizations I have contacted. They don’t know each other.  There is no singular database to find a church in your area that is practicing inclusion. There is no organization making the world of special needs a priority in mainstream America-although there are many great people and organizations around the world doing some really great things. But the average person, or parent shouldn’t have to do an exhaustive 6-month research study to find the best practices. This lack of easy access is a huge barrier to churches providing great services, and parents having access to support and lay people in the church and community being inclusive.

the field is ripe:
It’s time. 

The idea of special needs being addressed in church is relative new on a large scale-many churches are just starting to respond. This will be the biggest subpopulation cultural - awareness shift in the next 20 years. 2013 marks the beginning.

Medical advances are helping babies survive that will have special needs that 20 years ago, would have died without the care.  Diagnosis with rare diseases is becoming more frequent because of advances in genetics. The rise of social media brings new information to the lay person’s context {ie. how many people know about sanfilippo because of sharing our story on facebook}. Also, the increase of autism, 1 in 31 boys, can’t be ignored. Once gone undiagnosed or increase due to varying factors, it is now being named and addressed in the schools.  Words like ADHD, sensory issues, downs syndrome are becoming more and more a part of the lay person’s vocabulary. And most important is no child left behind.  Parents are expecting the church to include their child in similar ways {and rightfully so}.  Peers are used to mainstreaming with same age peers with special needs being educated in the same classroom with more supports.  No longer are they being institutionalized. 

Another factor regarding culture is the pressures for businesses to be more diverse, inclusive and accessible.  Within a post-modern culture, the pressures to be green, clean, accepting of everyone’s truth, diversity inclusion, and giving back are all part of the modern day cultural landscape. These trends send an ongoing message that people with differences are welcome.  Yet, churches are the least welcome. This is a problem.  We need to get church staff on board and leading the movement, while we educate the congregation and let families know they are welcome and embraced by the body of Christ-inside and outside of the church walls.

Ten years ago, there was a rise in anti-bullying campaigns, The response has been from many has been a more inclusive community.  I think, overall, teens are more inclusive than adults because of this specific campaign, but we clearly still have a long way to go. 

Like with any movement,  I believe special needs ministry is a grassroots effort. It is extremely common for the first responders to be mothers {parents}.  In fact, I would guess over 98% of special needs programs are started because a parent of a child with special needs started it.  The very people that have the need, address the need.  The very people who need a break are giving it to others. Many mothers in a church setting are not credentialed in the field of special education or current staff.  

Because of the majority of the efforts being specific to each family, in varying states, in varying denominations, there is no “authority” in best practices.  Joni and friends is probably the most notable, but their information is not graphically appealing or their media isn’t  done well....causing people to ignore the great content. They are a bit outdated in their approach.  There are at least two dozen books, a few big churches doing a good job (again-only addressing their specific population of special needs-which is where anyone should start) but no support agency linking them all together in one place. In fact, almost all of information gathered comes from networking with people that are currently leading in the field. 

global climate:  
If we think the United States is behind, how much more our Christian brothers and sisters are around the world when it comes to cultural influences, accessibility, or resources for families. That being said, I think there are some great church organizations in the world who have the inclusion part down. What if we can offer a you tube channel that anyone in the world could access? What would it look like to do mission trips to share information and train?  We could get PT/OT/ lay volunteers/ speech/tech/nurses/pastors/etc. going into a community to help them with tools to serve the people in their community. And we are blessed in return from the richness in Spirit they show to the people they serve.

parent perspective:
Much of the community is divided, Too many have been turned away from church or simply ignored. Few can’t breathe without the church. By in large, families are not present in church and no one notices they are not there.

With any personal issue, there is a spectrum of feelings. What I have observed most are parents that want help but don’t know how to ask, or don’t want to burden others.  Everything is such a fight, that when they get to church, or a body of believers, it is the last place they want to advocate for their child to be included.  Church, in their minds, and I think Jesus’ mind too, should be the FIRST RESPONDERS. THEY should be the ones anticipating needs, reaching into the family and providing respite, support and love.  THEY should be the FIRST ones “lowering the mat” for the family.  

Many lay people don’t understand the dynamics of the family....diagnosis days, grieving the loss of a dream, chronic sorrow, and the physical demands.  They don’t understand the sensitive issues-and some don’t want to out of fear of saying the wrong thing, messing up, ignorance, or they feel uninvited in because they have nothing to offer or the family isn’t around (or asking).  I think what is missing is the urgency to educate and address the lay people. Once they understand, (knowledge is power) most will be inspired to enter in.  In a very non-threatening, inspiring way, we need to educate the average joe about the lens we see the world. Exposing the blessings and the pain. And, inviting them to enter in.

There will be varying levels of support churches can offer.  But, I think the more non-threating you can engage the church in ongoing conversations, the better. At the end of the day, there will always be different approaches for addressing the varying needs specific to each family, but there are a handful of universal truths everyone should be able to grasp. 

Cutting edge communication:
There is a huge need to streamline all the resources in the special needs community. 

For the family: Parents don’t have the energy or time to sit and look for all the random help and best practices or churches, etc. They want to be able to google “special need’s ministry” and find support and belonging. Most don’t have the ability, energy, or desire to create something at a’s easier to stay home.

For the church: Churches don’t want to reinvent the wheel. If it’s not a priority and staff is not hired to do it, who is the one doing all the research?  They want to buy a video (like hit play, and train their volunteers, educate their congregation, or support their families.

Social media is where its at. It’s hands down the best approach for today. No one is doing it in this field and we have the opportunity to do something new yet culturally relevant. It also is the best and fastest way to help spread the movement. 

Who is doing it well? We interview them. We highlight organizations doing it well. We capture best practices and family stories. Different perspectives. Lay people training (minister to the family). We focus on people-hiding the content and lessons in the captivating story. The 3-5 min. videos are always visually appealing. entertaining. so much so, people want to share it and churches want to buy it. HIGH quality cinematography. Creative. Free support for families.  

great examples for you to watch:

soul pancake: {}

cvcnow  {}: 

video/training topics:
(never reinventing the wheel, but serving as one place to network resources)

How to minister to the family: duel blessing, physical-emotional support, signing up for the journey

Resources available: interviews

Thriving vs. surviving: documentaries

Equipping a room, what, why, where?-champions club

Building accessibility-not enough: ramps bathrooms rooms halls stairs, etc. 
registration online, if you build it, they will come

What does God say about disabilities and how should that inform how we feel/act?

Talking to a typically developing child about differences? {sibshop}

First time guests, training your registration/welcome teams, etc.

5 stages of disability acceptance-Joni and Friends/Elim

Hidden blessings: for the body, acknowledging the cans vs the cant’s-interview friends 

Thriving vs surviving for parents, dreaming the original dream for your child, advocating, rest, asking for help, understanding the lens you see life from, same and different support, taking care of you, marriage, child info sheets-interview parents 

Volunteer training-Amy Fenton Lee

Best practices for discipline/teaching for volunteers-School Staff

Creating a Christ like culture in the body-Special needs Sunday

Chronic sorrow: understanding the journey

Best practices (language, love, fears, ethos) church statement of values, things not to say or do words that hurt....sin of parents, comparison of pain, god doesn't give you more than u can handle

Inclusion vs isolation: benefits all for children ministry as well as big church-Special needs teachers

Thinking outside the box: church at a persons home, videos, interpreters, etc.

Sabbath rest, respite-Jill’s House

Partner with your school and community services

Part of the challenge will be raising funds. The primary fundraising will be for video equipment, paying people to edit/make videos if we can’t get it all donated, travel to document interviews, and find best practices and any costs associated with website design or the domain name. 

5k walk/run 
sell training videos/stories to share in churches (downloadable)
write a book
partner churches/organizations
corporate sponsors

we believe:

Everyone has been created in the image of God. 
Everyone has a specific purpose and calling.
Everyone has the ability to bring God glory.

God is healer, but He never chose to heal everyone.

We are all broken. This world is not how it should be. Life is unfair. 
We all need a savior. Heaven is how it should be. God is fair.

God is sovereign. and all the omni things too.

Restoration for all believers comes in heaven.

We are called to BE/DO the church. Blessings come to people with disabilities AND us with different abilities when we love.

People with disabilities have intrinsic value.

We are blessed to be in their presence. We have a lot to learn from this community.  They are experts in areas that we couldn’t learn with out them.

At the end of the day, parents want for their child what we all want. To be loved and accepted, valued, worthy, and to belong.

It is not enough to be accessible, although, that is the first step.  We need to see the value of them being here and we need to seek them out.

If they are not in the body of believers and valued, then your church is disabled.

You don’t have to be special to enter into the life of a person or family living with special needs. You just have to let God use you to love them.

All families need ongoing support. They need respite. They need to worship together. They need people for the long haul. {don’t we all!?}

additional thoughts {notes}:
God kept his word regardless of Ahaz not trusting him.  God offered Ahaz an experiencing god, he refused. God is attracted by brokenness and humility and repelled by pride and self help.

Strength is weakness and weakness is strength. We learn best through crisis. He takes the training wheels off and crisis teaches you to ride a big kid bike. Isaiah 7:9

Different abilities-not disability 
We forget God when we are not thankful

When we see the least of these, we experience their physical brokenness but their wholeness in spirit. It reminds us able-bodied folk, we too, are broken and need a savior although we physically appear whole, we acknowledge our internal mess.

Olympic spirit...Derek Redman Barcelona

The only prayers we pray are for healthy babies and smooth delivery. Why don't we pray for God's will to be done and our heart to be prepared for whatever gift he gives?

Even the disciples wanted to skip the suffering servant part of Jesus is life.

why we would exist:
Names: The thrive project, project thrive  {formally build with the boyces}

Vision; the most relevant, engaging, online resource for all things special needs. NEEDS DEVELOPMENT

Mission: find people and organizations that have best practices, make engaging cinematography that tells a story while educating the people watching to help the world become more inclusive of people with disabilities.

people to help:
great communicators. experts in special needs ministry.  people directly effected by special needs (friends and family). Smart people. creative people. people that can do amazing things with social media: photography, cinematography, and web design. people with a huge heart for the vision. people who believe that Jesus was who he said he was.  people that like the creative process, that are open to change, and want to give their best to this.  Oh, and they have to love Jayden and Brooklyn.  Someone {Angie} with strong grammer- can edit, spell, and make words sound clear. outside the box thinkers. Some money people-you don’t have to have a lot of it-just someone who can manage ours.  I need a lawyer and accountant as well. Admin-someone good at admin tasks. (not me)

Still with me?

Which leads me to where we are now.  If we move forward with Build with the Boyces-I am thinking we try to do something no one else is doing. But, this requires money, time and talent....all of which I don’t have and we would be relying heavily on God and others.  

That is why I don’t know if we should move forward or can the entire idea. 

Maybe I scratch the non-profit completely-
and just offer my help or ideas to Joni and friends or someone else who is established.

I also want to write a book. I just need the time. 
Maybe I start there or just focus on doing that.

Maybe I do nothing but enjoy my children.

See why I need your help?

                    loaded question.     
thank you.

if you are interested and have the ability to help, let me know~!

(this only a few...there’s a ton more-tired of typing!)
celebrates children with special needs and provides relief to the extraordinary families who love them through short-term, overnight respite care. oxygen 3-camps, mission trips, rhythm of respite.

ORANGE the inclusive
Book: [leading a special needs ministry] a practical guide to including children & loving families
VIDEO: training volunteers Surviving to thriving

Amy Fenton Lee is the special needs consultant to the rethink group, Inc. Amy has written extensively on the subject of special needs inclusion in children’s ministry environments and has been published in dozens of in-print publications, journals, and on the web. 

Andy Stanley Deep and Wide
Joni E.Tada A place for healing and a ton others Great special needs resource
Nancy Guthrie Holding onto Hope: A pathway through suffering to the heart of God 


A dreamer...

I am a dreamer. A creative thinker. I think I always have 5 projects or hair brain ideas floating through my head. A few current thoughts?  What is the future, if any, for Build with the Boyces? Should we turn it into a non-profit?  Could I open a pinterest, industrial shabby chic store? I want a barn-a big one. So we could hold weddings and events, maybe a little shop during the week and church on Sundays.  I dream about owning a little rustic cabin in the woods on the water. A fixer upper for all my friends and family to enjoy. Somewhere a few hours from our house. I would own a ford, 1940's beat up truck with would sides and drive to the flea market and pick up some finds for my little store, and the farmers market to get some fresh veggies.  I dream in decor.  I dream about the future.

I want to write a book but I doubt it would be a best seller. I already know what I would call it and what it would be about.

I want to change the world.

I know-I can't sit still. Maybe it is a coping strategy.

But then, it comes. Doubt.  Isolation. Reality.

I don't like that I dream.  I wish I could just stop.  I wish that I could think that my life is all that it is going to be. Especially stop dreaming big dreams that I know won't come true. Fear of failure. No resources.  I just can't seem to get any dreams off the ground. Whether it is lack of motivation, money, resources, or talent....all my dreams end up being just that.....dreams.  In fact, dreaming makes me a bit depressed. It is hard thinking of what could be, only to realize that it won't be.

Funny-it doesn't make me discontent in my current life-I love my family and friends and am grateful for all I have. It's maybe more of a holy discontent-am I doing what I was born to do? I would think that if I am just called to be a wife and mother, and work part-time at a church, I would stop dreaming and feel  I am living out my purpose...right?

But I sense there is something more....