A dreamer...

I am a dreamer. A creative thinker. I think I always have 5 projects or hair brain ideas floating through my head. A few current thoughts?  What is the future, if any, for Build with the Boyces? Should we turn it into a non-profit?  Could I open a pinterest, industrial shabby chic store? I want a barn-a big one. So we could hold weddings and events, maybe a little shop during the week and church on Sundays.  I dream about owning a little rustic cabin in the woods on the water. A fixer upper for all my friends and family to enjoy. Somewhere a few hours from our house. I would own a ford, 1940's beat up truck with would sides and drive to the flea market and pick up some finds for my little store, and the farmers market to get some fresh veggies.  I dream in decor.  I dream about the future.

I want to write a book but I doubt it would be a best seller. I already know what I would call it and what it would be about.

I want to change the world.

I know-I can't sit still. Maybe it is a coping strategy.

But then, it comes. Doubt.  Isolation. Reality.

I don't like that I dream.  I wish I could just stop.  I wish that I could think that my life is all that it is going to be. Especially stop dreaming big dreams that I know won't come true. Fear of failure. No resources.  I just can't seem to get any dreams off the ground. Whether it is lack of motivation, money, resources, or talent....all my dreams end up being just that.....dreams.  In fact, dreaming makes me a bit depressed. It is hard thinking of what could be, only to realize that it won't be.

Funny-it doesn't make me discontent in my current life-I love my family and friends and am grateful for all I have. It's maybe more of a holy discontent-am I doing what I was born to do? I would think that if I am just called to be a wife and mother, and work part-time at a church, I would stop dreaming and feel  I am living out my purpose...right?

But I sense there is something more....