The last month can only be described by the word overload. Anyone who knows me well knows that I don't exercise. But, this definition of overload takes on a different meaning for me.
The principle of overload states that a greater than normal stress or load on the body is required for training adaptation to take place. The body will adapt to this stimulus. Once the body has adapted then a different stimulus is required to continue the change. In order for a muscle (including the heart) to increase strength, it must be gradually stressed by working against a load greater than it is used to. To increase endurance, muscles must work for a longer period of time than they are used to. If this stress is removed or decreased there will be a decrease in that particular component of fitness. A normal amount of exercise will maintain the current fitness level.
I feel that I have been on emotional overload. I get that God is overloading me to increase my endurance and that if change needs to take place, I will most definitely be given "more than I can handle." Growth does not equal comfortable. Overload increases my dependence on Him. I am grasping the concept that pain is really a pathway to peace, and that true beauty is birthed out of brokenness. I mentally get that much more than it is actually seen in the moments of my life.
The past month has been a series of different storms. I stand, trying to brace myself and take it. Then, as one storm ends, I try to pick myself up in time to brace for the next. To be honest, I have felt broken more than I can handle and I am tired. I have not "thrived" like I want, and I barely survived. I hate even admitting it. I have felt like a drama magnet and want to emotionally run. I feel like much of my time has been spent fighting for air.
I know, sounds like a pity party that you have been invited to. But, I am just being honest and it is a daily surrender to thrive...and I get it wrong sometimes. I have avoided writing, I have avoided doing what I know I need to do to get "right" and back on my feet, but lately, I feel like laying down in the puddles and giving up.
There have been so many beautiful things that have come from the pain, and isn't it so hard to see through the fog sometimes? I have a to do list that is a mile long, and everything is in the top 5 most important things to do, yet I have about 50 things trying to win my attention. Overloaded, I sit and watch house hunters from 10PM to 1AM, instead of pushing through and increasing my endurance. Maybe that is why I don't exercise...overload sucks :)
All this to say, I need to get back on track. I need to write my own goals (what I want to be true of my life) and get focused on what I need to do to thrive. I don't want my situations to continue to define me, I want to define them. I need to work through my to do list, and start making the things that are important, of enough value to do it.
One of the best gifts I have is friendship. 5 years ago, I couldn't count on one hand my deep friendships, now, I have so many I can't even manage them. I want to be the blessing they are to me. I am so blessed and humbled by the relationships I have. They all inspire me and are so generous! All I want to do is let them know how much they mean to me, and gather them all up and huddle in a corner with them. I know that is good and bad, and I fight between time spent letting these people know how much I love them, and building more friendships. I wrestle between spending time with my kids, and managing all the hours and hours I need to get paperwork done for them so they can get hearing aids, sleepsafe beds, strollers, a safe home, and all the therapies and school help they need. There are not enough hours in a day to be all things to all people and I don't know what to do so I postpone it. I shut down. And the cycle of guilt begins.
I am ready though, to start working my way out of my funk. I am determined to not let this be a long season. I want to be a puddle jumper, make lemonade out of lemons, and laugh stress in the face. I want my Sabbath, I want my rest in the eye of the storm. I need to be focused. I need to make changes for my own mental health. It doesn't mean I stop getting overloaded, I don't think I have a choice, I just have to grab the bull by the horns and overload it.
I was lead here minutes ago, and thought I would include it. It was the first Scripture I read and felt it was just what God wanted me to read: 1 Peter 1...
A New Life
3-5What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you'll have it all—life healed and whole.
6-7I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.
8-9You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don't see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation.
10-12The prophets who told us this was coming asked a lot of questions about this gift of life God was preparing. The Messiah's Spirit let them in on some of it—that the Messiah would experience suffering, followed by glory. They clamored to know who and when. All they were told was that they were serving you, you who by orders from heaven have now heard for yourselves—through the Holy Spirit—the Message of those prophecies fulfilled. Do you realize how fortunate you are? Angels would have given anything to be in on this!
A Future in God
13-16So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that's coming when Jesus arrives. Don't lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn't know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, "I am holy; you be holy."
17You call out to God for help and he helps—he's a good Father that way. But don't forget, he's also a responsible Father, and won't let you get by with sloppy living.
18-21Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ's sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately—at the end of the ages—become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you. It's because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God.
22-25Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it. Your new life is not like your old life. Your old birth came from mortal sperm; your new birth comes from God's living Word. Just think: a life conceived by God himself! That's why the prophet said,
The old life is a grass life,
its beauty as short-lived as wildflowers;
Grass dries up, flowers droop,
God's Word goes on and on forever.
This is the Word that conceived the new life in you.
I want to life this new life. Don't you?!
Sorry this is not intended to be an uplifting, inspiring blog for those few of you that have said you like reading.....
Just the truth for my own personal wake up call.